Dreams in Turkey

The long hours on the road stirred up some soul searching sessions as I stared out into the vast and endless brown fields/snowy landscape that Turkey has to offer.. At one point I found myself daydreaming away (as always), wishing I were a simple peasant girl living in the midst of the golden wheat fields:

Home shall be a cosy and warm red-bricked house to call my own, leading a carefree life together with my tanned and robust-looking husband and our little darlings prancing around..

There I was painting whimsical images in my head when my mind decided to interrrupt a budding artist at work, "Are you sure about this? Can you? And perhaps live without your iPhone and Internet?"


Me: "Uh, I think still can have wifi connected."


Mind: "Why do you need to be connected? You just need to tend to the fields and your family."


Me: "I need to read the world news, I need to know what's happening around the world."


(I read the papers for around 1.5 hours in a sitting each time)


Then, there was awkward silence. My mind had to take some time to register the illogical statement I just blurted out. I blushed. I knew I am capable of answering something better.. But, whatever, I am daydreaming anyway, why should things make sense! I like to let my thoughts wander and run wild.


Me: "Mmm.. Ok ignore what I just said. The truth is, I just want to escape from reality.. I find working in an office meaningless.. I like my work and I don't mind the long hours etc, but at the end of the day, I don't know who am I working for. I feel like a robot, a clockwork mouse, without a sense of satisfaction."



Mind: "Well Emily, you can work to glorify Jesus, yourself, your family, your children in future.."


Me: "Even so, I still find my life's so monotonous! It's no different from anyone.. How do I make it exciting? Doing something new? Doing risk investments? What?.. Now, other than getting my QP, this question frequently pops up, "where do I go on from there?" "


Mind: "Hey, do you recall when you're in sec 4, during an end of exam activity you're made to draft a timeline to create long and short term goals in your life?"


Me: "Yea, sadly, I underestimated. I should have graduated by 22, got married by 24, have kids by 26, be my own boss by 30."


Mind: "C'mon, it's not bad that you graduated at 24.. It wasn't even in your wildest dreams to get a Masters in Architecture.. To think you even shed tears because you're afraid you can't get into a university at 6 (credits given to mummy who freaked me out then. I had forgotten how the topic started, but as she was removing her make-up, she mentioned - In future, everyone will be a graduate, and if I'm not one, I can only be a road sweeper)! However, it amuses me that the idea of marriage at 24 actually horrifies you now."


Me: "I can't imagine being a wife/mother like some of my friends at this age. My life would be gone and I'd just go berserk. Hmmm.. getting married at 27/28 would be great though.. But argh, I can't even tell if I'm going to be a mrs one day. And it's the guy who proposes anyway, not up to me to decide when to get married. All I would like to have in future is to have a shop of my own and retire with my husband in a farm with little streams and brooks some day."


Mind: "Yes, indeed you shall have what you want. Remember, Jesus had already declared and seen your future is good! And perhaps for that little daydream of yours to live in the midst of the wheat fields? It could one day be transformed into reality and be one of your holiday homes.."


Me: "AMEN! Thank you so much, there's still hope (elpis) for me!"

At this juncture, a warm fuzzy feeling spread through my chest..


That was how my soul searching/self talk went.
Nothing too depressing for I always try to end on a happy note. However, somehow I still have this naggy feeling that I'd be one of those who look back and tear in heaven if I don't do anything constructive in my life any time soon.. [Revelation 21:4]

7th Dec, 5.25pm, Cappadocia, Turkey


P.S.: My dear friend, Alvin, reminded me, only Jesus can satisfy me.. Indeed, I love you Jesus, from the bottom of my heart ;)